Any way to help my fiance quit smoking? -
I told my fiance before we were engaged that I would not marry a smoker. Now that we are engaged I hear him tell people that he needs to quit before we get married. Now there are 4 months left before the wedding, and he is still smoking a pack a day. He knows I am serious about this, and I know he does have a hard time quitting (he has tried twice in the past year).
I don-t know what to do and how to help him quit. I feel that if I nag I will make matters worse. I really want him to quit for selfish reasons, but I think they are reasonable. Every -older- person I know that has smoked their whole lives have had some sort of health disorder due to smoking. Three have had lung cancer, the other had two heart attacks. And I don-t want myself and our kids to have to deal with this in the future. I know I can-t tell what will happen, but this is something that is preventable!
I know this is selfish, but I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Any suggestions on how to help?
he has to want to quit. he may quit for a while if you make him, but he will eventually start back up. the only way he will quit with success, is if HE wants it.
you wanting him to quit is not selfish it-s quite reasonable. there would be something wrong if it didn-t bother you. getting someone to quit smoking is like getting someone to change their diet, when and if it happens is totally up to them. if this is his first marriage then it-s probably the single most stressful period of his life as the wedding draws closer.
Nagging definitely does not work. But stick to your guns, girl. Don-t send out any invitations or sign any contracts until he is tobacco-free, even if it means canceling reservations. You might suggest that he go to a smoking-cessation clinic. Hypnosis and accupuncture work for some people. But you don-t want to be married to a smoker and have your kids grow up sick because of it and then have to watch the man you love die a horrible death when he-s still young. Anything but that!
I hate to be harshly honest with you but here goes...
You shouldn-t have accepted his proposal if you had issues with him smoking. Smokers NEVER quit for someone else. He has to want to quit, and want it bad for it to happen. You will not change him, you cannot change him. Your choices here are:
1. Stop naggin him, bugging him, making comments etc...about his smoking. He was a smoker when you met him and fell in love with him and got engaged with him so it was your choice to partner with a smoker. You have no right to force your opinions on him and it will only ruin your relationship if you try to make an issue about it. He knows you would rather he didn-t smoke, and if he decides to quit then he will, but nothing you say or do will have much of anything to do with it. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him then get used to the idea of spending the rest of your life with a smoker.
2. Walk away. There are plenty of non-smoking guys around that I-m sure you can fall in love with. Since you now know this is a huge issue with you, you can make it a point to not date smokers.
From reading your post, I think the second option is the one for you. You-ll get over him and probably be happier in the long run with a non-smoker
Nagging him will not make him quit this is for sure, it may only make him smoke more because he will be stressed out and as men when we are told we cannot do something we tend to want to do it more.
Help him out by getting a supplement and if you can find one get one that does not just substitute nicotine because this will defeat the purpose. Once he is off the supplement he will still crave the nicotine if it not something that is all natural.
Show him you are trying to help him by getting the supplement s for him this way he will know you are not nagging him but at the same time you are letting him know it is something that is important to you.